Venting

I cant believe that I fell for it again, you'd think that all the months and months of crying over him that id keep myself guarded butt no not Judi. The moment he came around again with the kisses, the i love yous, and the i miss yous i fell head first. I jumped outta a plane with out a parachute. how could I be so stupid. the way he backed away when people we knew came around. I should known. The way that he came around just for kisses. i should of known. I really should have. yet i was stupid enough to believe maybe, just maybe he changed. maybe just maybe he truly missed me and loved me and wanted to come back into my arms again. But no when he blew me off i was worried, rather than realizing he was just being a fucking ass hole. I should have known. I mean this is the same guy that dumped me and called me a piece of shit. The same one that changes his damn indecisive mind every two fucking minutes this is fucking ridiculous. I should have known. But instead I fell just for him to tell me to get outta his ass, say what ever and hang up on me. All because i was fucking worried about him. Because i wanted to fucking be with him. I should have fucking known. All of this because i fucking love him fucking blindly. This is ridiculous. I hate this so much. Why do i care so much. Its to the point now where Im done, all Ive done try and he he finally made up my mind, I'm so damn done with this shit. All i wanted was my effin gabey baby back the one i was with for two and a half years that actually cared about me and my feelings. Now all thats left in the Hollow shell of gabey baby is a coniving, selfish, careless, mother fucking, hurtful, asshole that doesnt give two shits about any one but himself, that deals drugs, and cares more about partying tahn the people around him. I dont get how he lost all faith in me. i know i made my mistakes but I thought he loved e and you dont treat some one you love like this shit. im so tired of hurting damn it. Its been fucking months and all he does is keep coming in and out of my life. Then he has the nerve to say all this is my fault . FUCK THAT. Im so done with this i cant breathe any more, sobs are stuck in my throat and i can feel a scream itching to come out of my lower tummy. The silence and lonliness is begining to consume me from the inside out. I feel like a prisioner in my own body. And all i want is to be in some ones arms. I have become dependent on being in a relationship and i hgaet it. Its such bullshit. I should be happy to be single,a nd young but instead im losing all control. All i wanted was my first love back but instead i get heart broken again.