Today.

Sucked. As soon as I got off the bus this morning I found out my mom got in a car accident. Shes ok, just sore with a lump on her head but we have no car. The worst part of it all is the fact that she is so sad. She gets really depressed when stuff like this happens. shes worried about a car because our insurance doesnt cover it. I love her and im worried about her. You would be soo proud of gabe though he walked me to the hospital and he stood by my mom and talked to her, and held the ice on her head. It was sweet . Well I must cook now. Bye.

Gabriel and Grades.

So I had an amazzzing day yesterday with my baby. He came over and my mom called him family which I knew she thought that way but it was so good to hear. It made me cry =] . He finally told me he is going to stau with me rather than go to ohio. It was so cute how he told me too. I was sitting there upset about something and he knew I was thinking about it. He said "Make a wish" and then he kssed me. I asked him to promise me aloud and he told me promised to stay with me in florida I was so happy and still am. I might be going to the cooter fest today =]! He might be coming with me fun fun right? Im excited. And oh I got all a's this 9 weeks woot woot!

What they don't tell you about Lovers Lane

Every one thinks lovers lane is the smooth ride of bliss along a bumpless road. If you believe that you're blind. If that's how it is for you, you must be robot. Lovers Lane is more like a highway wrapped along mountains, paved with nothing but dirt and dust. If you can hold on for the ride though you feel the rush of adrenaline, the wind in your face, the racing of your heart. If you can see past the dangers that may lie ahead, you can see the breath-taking scenery. But even though this information is not the standard, I believe it to be more appealing. Who wants a smooth ride anyways? Love with out challenges, isn't love at all. So that was my little bit of enlightenment for the day.

Laura!

I was looking on photo bucket for a picture of cleopatra for my sister halloween costume, and I found something I thought you'd enjoy. Its like egypt and twilight wrapped into a chocolate package =D love you!

Ohio? Are you kidding me?

What is he thinking? Ohio? You've got to be kidding me! OK so my boyfriend wants to be some big butt mechanic when hes older the ones that make a lot of money... I guess that's just something he knows how to do and hes good at. Well I guess the best place to get the degree for this is in Ohio. After hes already made me wait 10 months for him, he'd make me wait 2 years, are you freaking kidding me? He'd really ask that of me? I couldn't use bright futures there so I wouldn't have the money to go to college, and he'd consider to ask me to wait two years while I'm here for him to come back or for me to go with him and wait two years for my education? What in the hell is that? Oh and he just heard about this place this year? He'd be willing to leave me, drop our love on the head, not care how hurt I'd be, and just go? Oh that's what I called screwed up. I may be venting but I think I'm being overly fair. Why would I drop everything to just go to a place I'd be miserable? Or why be here with him there and be absolutely depressed, and living alone? This whole thing is stupid! I'm pretty ticked. He says he understands and he is trying be sweet but he'd choose some stupid school away from the beach, in the cold, over me? That's beyond Stupid! I'm mad! Someone tell me how to handle this before he has no hands to work on some stupid car!

10/21/2008

I know I had lots of out there dreams but i cant remember what they were about. Then welcome to drama. larissa starts it and then is all like im a senior i dont have to deal with it. its retarted to say the least , i mean grow up and suck it up! oh well so in chours to day a lady from the news paper was there and took pitures and interviewed micheal, laura, and i about the hawaii trip. other than that and some interesting conversations in chorus with jasmine, eric, and laura today was uneventful so far. One question i have to ask is what would you call someone whos half way between a fiance and a boyfriend? goodness. im at school right now and i am sooo tired, i want to go home but i have some at home drama now too. with my sister, those of you who know what im talking about thank you for just listening and being friends, and those who don't its a long story for another day. so today i am going to do a shout out =]! i wubbles you laura, your amazing thank you for being here for me through all of this, and all the other stuff youve held my hand through =]. Your amazing =]. anyways I'll try to post some more later but im out for now. bye-bye.

Tonight <3

I spent this afternoon in Gabriel, and unlike Friday it was amazing. It was calm, we got along amazing, and he seemed mellow. I was mellow too and I think that's a big part of it, I admit I can get uptight about stuff. But it was really nice tonight, it made me smile. Its nice for us to finally have some down, mellow time. He is amazing. I may have not made that clear in my first post, but he is amazing. He is the least selfish person I know. When it comes to me he'd do anything. Its nice to feel like no matter what he'll be there for me, supporting me =]. Well I know this is a short post, but I'm tired Good night Moon! and all of you too =] <3

Dad....

So yesterday not so cool. I miss my dad as much as that hurts me to admit, i do. I don't know why. He never treated me like he really cared any way , and now all of the sudden he wants to be some huge part of my life? I can't jump in like that he hurt me, bad. Hes the only man who has ever really broken my heart. I wish I could just toss him to the side llike a ragety ann doll, but Ive tried that and damn hes like an electronic doll, clawing at my heart trying to push its way back in. He's my dad though , and I feel as if maybe its time to try to let him in. But thats gonna take a lot of effort on my part. I think Im going to start by copying my report cards as I get them and send them to him, Some pictures maybe, and a letter that im working on. Any ideas? Oh well The bells about to ring So im off to English, and to meet my baby Toodles!

10/17/08

We walk down the brightly lit road, and I can't help but cover my eyes because of the sun in my eyes. I was in a bad mood, I wasn't before the day went so well gabriel and I hadn't fought. Actually we were all over each other like in the begining. Then on that stupid road with the stupid sun in my eyes I guess I pushed his final button. I don't remember what I said but if I could take it back I would. He threw the stop watch (we were timing the time we walked for my online course), and stormed into the woods. I picked it up and looked at the shattered glass that used to be the screen. I tried to get him to talk tome but he sat on the side of the road hidden in the brush crying. I asked him to stop. I tried to grab his hand, but he snatched it away. I got mad and threw that stop watch at him, but missed. I never was one for sports. I begged him to come with me and come home so we could talk. My mom would be waiting for us. But he wouldn't get up he wouldn't stop crying. You may think this makes him a baby but it doesn't. I know he loves me, and weve been having issues, which hurts considering we've already been through so much together. But back to us. He would'nt stop crying. I asked him if he still wanted to be with me he didn't answer. It hurt. I asked again with my voice a little higher. He still didn't answer. That hurt even more. So much was going through my head. But the one dominant thought was that no matte if he still wanted to be with me or not I still was going to be his friend that no matter what I'd still love him, which to me proves our love. After another ten minutes of coaxing him. He stood up, but he still wouldn't answer if he wanted to be with me. It hurt lots. When we arrived at my home I asked him one last time, and he finally answered me. Yes. Thats when The strangest thing happened I let my self cry to the fulest force. They tearsflowed and I held him but he didn't hold me back. Then I knew it. I hurt him more than I ever had before which in turn hurts me. It took all night but we did smile and laugh and held each other but I still hurt a little knowing that I let it get as far as I did it was unfair to both of us.